Secure relating refers to a a state of mind, a healthy and balanced way of connecting with yourself and others in relationships. It involves the following qualities: emotional regulation, autonomy, empathy and compassion, effective communication, trust and reliability, adaptability, boundaries, and conflict.

Developing secure relating starts with self-awareness. Recognizing your emotional patterns helps you respond thoughtfully even as you feel activation in your system. Self-compassion and self-acceptance are crucial foundations for extending these qualities to others. It encourages growth and connection, allowing both individuals to be their true selves. In their book, Secure Relating: Holding Your Own in an Insecure World, Ann Kelley and Sue Marriott talk about being the right size for you, not shrinking to fit in or puffing up and being bigger.

Ultimately, secure relating leads to deeper, more fulfilling relationships. By cultivating it, you create a positive and nurturing environment for yourself and those around you.