“The upside of falling down.”
I’m trying something new and I’m hooked! The first few times I went surfing, I had a great set of guides to help me be successful. They taught me as much as they could for the time that we were together. They encouraged me to go on my own at a different time with specific instructions to read the waves and connect to the water. It was different that time around though. I felt alone, frustrated, I barely got up, and I definitely didn’t have a photo op like you see above. It’s all good though, I still believe there was something to learn even with that experience. Trying something new can be exciting and fun as well as disappointing and discouraging. I guess it’s safe to say that all sorts of feelings will come up during the process and that it’s okay and normal.
I had promised myself a hike today. I haven’t been on one in a while and it felt like a good way to recharge and/or work some stuff out. It also got me thinking about the narratives people use when they first start counseling.
During November, I did a daily self-love challenge. I lost momentum about twenty-one days into it. The focus of the challenge took a drastic turn one night when I yelled at my kids. I felt terrible for days and I couldn’t forgive myself for how I treated them. There was no way I could practice self-love at that point.
Wasn’t that what I was asking for this whole time? An opportunity to practice patience, forgiveness, and compassion? When I took my frustrations out on my kids that night, I felt self-critical and just plain shitty about myself and the situation. Did I deserve to go through a challenge of self-love or was it exactly what I needed?
This past weekend I was feeling funky. I didn’t feel 100% in my body, and my clothes didn’t feel great on me either. It’s embarrassing to say, as this is a minuscule thing to be concerned about given all the things that are going on in the world, but I wanted to share anyways.
I would describe myself as a highly sensitive person. Things like the fit of my clothes and bodily sensations are like sirens going off when things aren’t just right. I understand that I can do things to manage my emotions such as shift perspectives (check!), create a gratitude list (done!), and practice coping strategies to manage the frustration (on it!), but even with all that, it didn’t take away the discomfort.